Public play is growing more and more popular, and can be a wonderful experience for the partners involved. Some scene folk can't resist the urge to play wherever they are, and the thrill of playing where you might get caught is exhilarating. Many people like to play in public with pre-inserted vibrators and butt plugs, as well as fondle various body parts, however, keep in mind that you are in public, and consider the thoughts of people not involved in your scene.
Examples:
In a Restaurant: Want to play a bit at the table? Consider the time and place. 6 p.m. at the Ground Round is NOT a good time for scening and possibly drawing attention to yourselves. Would you want YOUR children wondering why that lady keeps squirming around and making funny noises, or why that man is touching her there??? Be considerate to others. Attend the restaurant after the "family dining hours" and ask for a table in the back.
The Movie Theatre: Again, consider the people around you. Choose a late evening showing where children and teens won't be present, and sit toward the back of the theatre. Ever been at a movie and the guy in front of you just won't sit still?? You get our point.
Playing At A Hotel: Consider your noise levels. The smacking of a good spanking may be music to your ears, but what about the ears of the tired businessman in the room next door? When you check in, ask for a room away from others that are occupied. Use any excuse: "you are hard of hearing and listen to the TV at high volume," "you have sensitive hearing and need to be assured nothing will disturb you" or say "you are on your honeymoon, and well, you may be a bit noisy." Whatever works!!
In The Woods: Communing with nature is a wonderful experience, especially when you are communing naked with a birch switch, but, keep in mind that the woods may not be as private as you thought, especially here in Maine! Hikers, hunters, and campers enjoy Maine's vast woodlands as we do and imagine their surprise if they come across you and your strung-up submissive! Hmmmm, I wonder how a Girl Scout Leader would explain THAT to her troop! When playing outdoors, try to play on private property where you will not run into others. If you do not have access to privately owned woods and can only play in a recreational and public areas, keep a fair distance from hiking trails and areas frequented by hunters.
Friend's Homes: Unless otherwise agreed to, it is truly tacky to sneak off in a friend's home to do a quick scene in the bathroom or a bedroom. This is especially true when they are vanilla friends. Don't put your hosts/guests in an awkward situation; save the scene for a later time and place.
On Public Streets: Dress appropriately when walking on public streets, and avoid obviously blatant play. I once witnessed a FemDomme in full leather uniform walking a bare-chested, collared male sub through Boston's Quincy Market on a leash. Many wide-eyed children had questions to ask Mom and Dad about that!! Again, you may consent to this and enjoy it, but consider the other people who witness it and how it will affect them.
As people in the scene, we are all working towards public acceptance of us and what we do. We make that day further away every time we thrust our activities into the faces of children or those who are offended by overt public sex play. Remember all public play can be done discretely and still be enjoyable, just use common sense!!
Club Etiquette:
Arrive at the Club In Street Clothes.
While many clubs are in the heart of cities, some are not. (Example: Restraints in Boston is on a city street, but backs up against a residential area, complete with church and Catholic School.) If you have to walk on the street to get to a club, wear appropriate street clothing and change into fetish gear at the club. If you are able to wear your fetish clothing under loose clothing, sweats, or a long coat, even better. Remember it may not shock you to see a friend walking down the street in a peek-a-boo leather catsuit , but it may shock the neighbors who live near the club. Be courteous to them, and give them no reasons make complaints regarding the club and its patrons.
Follow the Club Rules. Most clubs have their rules posted near the club entrance and outside the Dungeon. If you do not see the rules posted, ask for a copy of them. Follow the rules. Period. Rules are established to keep players safe, to avoid the transmission of STD's, and, often, as conditions to allow the club to operate. If you have questions about doing a scene, and are not sure if it is allowed or not, seek out the owner or the Dungeon Master and ask them.
Failure to follow club rules could result in you being asked to leave, or worse, being asked never to come back.
The Dungeon Master's Word is law, Period. The Dungeon Master (DM) has a tough job, and they deserve a lot of respect for the duties they take on. They are in the dungeon for one reason - your protection. If they ask you to stop a scene, or change something you are doing, they are asking you because they see a potential safety issue. Do not argue with the Dungeon Master if you disagree with their comments or suggestions. Comply, then, if you still have an issue, talk to the Dungeon Master later. If you feel the Dungeon Master was wrong, ask to speak privately with them and the Manager later in the evening.
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER Try To Attend A Club While High Or Drunk. You wouldn't think we would have to address this, but, unfortunately, it has happened. Show up once at a BDSM club while drunk or high, and you will be asked NOT to show up again - ever. Avoid any drinking before attending a BDSM club, the smell of alcohol on your breath, no matter how sober you may seem, may be enough to cause you to be refused admittance.
If You Are New To BDSM, Watch And Learn. We highly recommend that newbies spend the first couple of times they attend a club just watching. By watching, you can learn technique, observe how a scene progresses, and see how people in the club interact. There is a wealth of information to be found in observation. Also, it gives the newbie a chance to socialize and meet other players. Once you are seen regularly, talked to and remembered in the club, you have a better chance of playing in the club.
If You See Something Happening That Doesn't Look Safe, Inform The Dungeon Master. Never walk over to a scene in progress and tell the Dom what they are doing wrong; find the Dungeon Master and relay your concerns to him/her. If there is a safety issue, the DM will then discuss the issue with the players. This is the Dungeon Master's duty - do not interfere by assuming the duty yourself.
If You Don't Like What You See, And It Has Been Deemed Safe, Sane And Consensual, Leave The Dungeon. As stated before, everyone has different kinks, and we have to respect that. If you are personally offended by a scene you do not agree with, leave the Dungeon until the scene is over. Perhaps in time you may find your opinions changing, but if you feel strongly put off, don't subject yourself to it.
If You Are Attempting Something New, Ask The Dungeon Master For Assistance. Has your sub been begging you for a hot wax scene, but you've never done it before? Tell the DM what you would like to do, them ask them if they can suggest someone experienced who may assist and guide you. This helps two ways: you can learn "hands on" from another player, and the DM and keep watch and be sure all is well with your scene.
Never Interrupt A Scene In Progress. If you have questions about a technique a Dom is using, wait until a scene is over to ask about it. Never walk over and ask during the scene, it ruins the sub's AND the Dom's headspace. Wait until the scene is over and the partners have had a chance to enjoy some quiet after-care time together.
Do Not "Crowd" A Scene. Everyone likes to see what is going on, but be polite and do it from a distance. Crowding can result in the Dom and sub losing headspace. Crowding a scene can also result in someone getting hurt, especially when the Dom is using a single tail whip or a flogger. Always try to stay at least 15 or more feet away from a scene in progress (more if the Dom is using a long single tail!!!). If you are in the Dom or sub's eyesight, avoid moving around too much - excessive movement from bystanders distract from headspace as well.
Be Quiet In The Dungeon. Headspace is a precious effect of submission, and one of the first steps toward that wonderful out of body feeling, but, excessive noise can ruin the trip for many submissives. Excessive noise can also disturb a Dom trying to concentrate on their task. Be polite and keep noise to an absolute minimum in the Dungeon. If you must speak to someone, whisper directly in their ear. If you intend to have a long conversation, leave the dungeon. If you need to get someone's attention, walk to them or silently wave to get their attention, do not call out across the room.
If You Have A Noisy Submissive, Use A Gag. Remember, other people are trying to maintain headspace as well. If your submissive is prone to yelling out like a banshee at orgasm, use a gag to minimize the noise.
Keep Your Play Area Clean. After scening, clean up the area you have used. Pick up all toys, condom wrappers, and used items that may have bodily fluids in/on them. Wipe down all equipment, house toys and tables used, and sanitize them for the next users. Many clubs have solutions available to use for sanitation. If you are going to play with hot wax, bring a plastic sheet, bedsheet, or tarp with you to protect the floors and make clean-up easier. Always do your part by cleaning up!
(If you are the author or know the author, please notify the BRC for proper credit.)