It all seemed so perfect. Sir was all you could ask for in a Master. Strong, authoritative voice. Eyes that could look straight through you. Hands with a grip that wouldn't let go no matter how hard you struggled. And when dressed in leather, Master was the image that dreams are made of.
In the dungeon Master was skilled at every fetish you enjoyed and many you had never tried. Master could take you places that you didn't even knew existed and bring you back again with a tenderness only a lover could give. You had spent a few weekends together, enough to know that this was the person you wanted to serve for life. Mr. Benson had become reality. You had found that "perfect" Master.
The slave was a wonder to behold. Perfectly on point at every turn. Never a misqueue. Never a hesitation in obeying an order. In play, slave took all You could give and was ready for more. And when slave looked at You with those hopeful eyes, filled with admiration, Your heart melted and Your chest swelled with pride. Certainly this time, You had met the "perfect" slave.
Although both felt ready to make a contract for life, it was agreed to start with a six month trial. The slave would move into the Master's home. As usual in today's society, both incomes would be needed, so both would retain their jobs.
The first two months were fine. The slave's training was going great and slave enjoyed being in protocal. slave didn't mind at first that slave was working a full time job as well as taking care of the home, the shopping, cooking dinner, the laundry etc, etc, etc. slave didn't notice at first that the time between play scenes was growing longer and longer. Instead of every night, it was maybe once every three or four days. But that was ok. slave knew Master had a very demanding job and that sometimes Master came home tired. Too tired to notice all the things the slave had taken care of for Master since slave had gotten home from slave's job.
Likewise the Master starts to notice more and more that little things aren't being taken care of like they were. The dirty dishes from last night's dinner were still in the sink this morning. The "yes Sirs" aren't flowing quite so quickly and slave was actually questioning some directives.
After five months the Master is no longer Prince Charming. In fact He's beginning to look more like the Prince's horse's you know what. And the slave is just one more boy wannabee that can't make the grade. Both decide it's time to split. Both go away discouraged and hurt, each blamming the other for the breakdown. What both of them failed to realize was that even in paradise it rains.
Story sounds familiar doesn't it. We've all seen it happen. Perhaps it happened to you, maybe even more than once. Why? Why do so many Master/slave relationships, that seemed so perfect in the beginning, wind up on the cutting room floor? Expectations, that's why.
We forget that Master/slave relationships have the same everyday pressures that every other type of relationship has plus the pressure of maintaining the Master/slave aspect. It's not an easy chore. It takes constant work and, most importantly, it takes constant, open, honest communication.
Both parties enter into a relationship with certain expectations of how that relationship should work. How the other party should act and react. When those expectations don't correspond exactly to reality we become disappointed.
We may try to hide that dissapointment at first, (things will always get better). We may try subtle (or not so subtle) hints in the hope that the other will pick up on what we are trying to tell them and suddenly change to our way of thinking (did i see the light bulb go on this time or was it just a reflection - damn, Master did it again, must have just been a reflection).
Before you know it the disappointment has turned to resentment which in turn becomes outright anger. The downward spiral has begun and another M/s relationship goes down in flames.
Communication. Talk till it hurts. Talk till you can't talk anymore without gettin lockjaw. Talk. Openly and honestly right from the beginning. Before any contract is considered much less signed.
Know as much as you can about each other. Where you come from. Not just what geographical area but socialogically, philosophically and emotionally. Where do you wish to go. What do you want from this relationship. What to you expect to get from this relationship. What guidelines are we going to put in the contract to allow us to talk about problems as they arise.
Talk!!!!! Let each other know exactly and precisely and completely as you can what your expectations are for yourself, the other and the relationship.
And when you're not talking, listen. Listen to what the other person is saying. Don't be thinking about what you want to say next. Don't pick out one word from a paragraph and make it an issue. Listen carefully to everything the other is saying.
my ex-wife was a great one for telling me that i was always wrong no matter what the issue was. After a while i stopped talking about things she did that bothered me, (although she never stopped telling me what i did that bothered her, basically everything i did, well, maybe just almost everything). Why should i. i was going to be wrong anyway.
When i told her we were over and why, her first question was why didn't you talk to me about it. In ten years of marriage, she never had a clue that i was totally miserable. Not because i didn't try to tell her. She just wouldn't listen and never wanted to talk about it. When she asked for a second chance to work things out, i agreed. Unfortunately, when i tried to tell her my feelings about our relationship the first words out of her mouth were still "you're wrong - it wasn't like that at all".
In all fairness there were alot of problems with our marriage right from the start. We both made mistakes. We both were equally to blame.
It takes two to make a good relationship. It takes two to tear it apart. It takes two, working very hard together to keep a good relationship going.
Take the time. Talk. Listen. Work at it. Don't let misguided expectations ruin what could be a lifetime of happiness.
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