The other morning, i was doing my normal routine of coffee and the paper, still not quite fully functional (had only gotten through the first half of the pot), when a couple of words from one of the inside page headlines made me do a double take. Wait a minute that didn't really say....? Oh wow, it does!
There, in large bold print, was the headline "Report assesses modern slavery".
My first reaction was disappointment in not being among the slaves that had apparently been questioned about the conditions of their existence. It might have been fun to get interviewed by some government bureaucrat in his standard conservative blue suit. Imagine the fun if he also happened to be a conservative person belonging to some right wing Christian group. Could have been a good time feeding him all the stereotypical bull associated with life as a slave.
i can hear the conversation now:
Oh, yes, sir, i am just a sex slave, here for sole purpose of being used by my Master at His whim for whatever He desires. Where does He keep me? Master keeps me locked up, naked, in a dog cage down in His basement feeding me His table scraps if there are any. When He wants to, He will grab me by my balls, pull me out of the cage and either take me into His dungeon, where He puts me through all kinds physical tortures for His amusement, or throw me into the sling using my mouth and ass for His sexual pleasure. When He's finally finished with me, He'll clean me off with a golden shower and throw me back in my cage. What's a golden shower? Oh, that's what it's called when someone washes you off by pissing on you.
Hey wait! Come back! Don't run off yet! i didn't get to tell you about how He sometimes rents me out for sex down at the truck stop or .....
Bet i made his day. Wait till he gets home and tells the wife about this one!
i can just imagine what idiotic regulations or controls whichever mindless, government agency conducting this assessment might come up with. Real scary! Imagine what might happen if OSHA was directed to come up with some workplace, or in this case dungeonplace, safety standards for the use of slaves, that all Masters would be held liable for?
I regret to inform you ... is that Master or Mister? Master? Okay then, i regret to inform you, Master Jones, that your slave is only rated for a twenty pound flogger and I see here that you're using a twenty-five. I'm afraid we're going to have to fine you for that. If that's not been corrected by the next time one of our inspectors drops by, we might not only fine you, but possibly suspend your Master's license for up to six months as well.
I also found that the lighting in your dungeon is not bright enough to allow your slave the required visibility level during play. And, although I cannot prove you have used it, the blindfold hanging in your equipment cabinet, is clearly a violation. Your slave must be permitted proper sight capability of what you are doing to him at all times.
But Mr. Inspector, my slave enjoys it more when he's blindfolded.
Too bad! The regulations clearly state the level of lighting and amount of visibility that must be maintained in any dungeon space. We don't care what he enjoys. It is our job to ensure that these regulations are met. Now, I also noticed the presence of a great deal of candles. Far more than regulations allow.
But they help create the mode we like when we are playing.
Don't care about that either. The regulations clearly state, only two, six-inch pillar candles are permitted within any ten-foot area of the dungeon. You clearly have more than five or six times that amount. They must be removed immediately. I will only give you a warning for that this time instead of a fine. But if we find it again...
Yeah, I know, you can suspend my Master's license, you ignorant son of a......
Careful, Master Jones. The use of curse words or derogatory language of any kind, directed at an OSHA inspector, is punishable by a five thousand dollar fine and a minimum of twenty-five whacks with a wooden paddle. Administered of course, within the OSHA guidelines for paddle width and weight, whack force, and whack interval frequency.
Along with the infractions that I have already pointed out to you, Master Jones, I found quite a long list of other minor infractions that we expect you to correct before we come back for a follow-up inspection. However, since these regulations are fairly new, as we have only been regulating and inspecting dungeons since the government report assessing modern slavery was released, about three months ago, I am only going to issue you the one fine for the overweight flogger this time. Just make sure you get all of these other matters taken care of or you may find your....
Yeah, yeah, I know. I may find my Master's license, which you so kindly brought the application forms for me today, suspended for a minimum of six months.
That would be six months for each infraction, Master Jones.
Say what? This is getting ridiculous!!
Now, now, Master Jones. You know, it is the government's obligation to its citizens, to ensure that they have safe and sanitary working, or in this case servicing, conditions. And even though you have many years experience in what it is you do here, and feel that, depending on the interpretation, our restrictions could possibly limit you and your slave from playing as hard in some of the SM arenas as you currently do, or possibly like to do at some point in the future, we feel it is essential, that the maximum allowable limits that we establish, be such, that they would protect someone who is brand new to this type of activity from being injured. We take that responsibility very seriously.
Too seriously if you ask me.
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but it doesn't really matter what you think now does it, Master Jones?
Good day, Master Jones, and oh, by the way, here is your free set of the five books containing all two hundred and fifty five thousand enforceable regulations, as well as the set of five books, containing the close to one hundred and seventy five guidelines, which we feel are necessary to ensure everyone's safety. They will probably become regulations over the next couple years.
I'm sure that you will find these books very helpful as you totally redesign your dungeon space in order to comply with all of our standards. As I said, this set is free. Future editions for any revisions of the existing regulations or additions of new ones, we expect will probably run about $1000 per set. That's just to cover the cost of printing.
Maybe if you cut out a few thousand of these stupid regulations, they wouldn't be so damned thick and cost so much to print.
Very amusing, Master Jones. By the way, please inform your slave that he was personally responsible for the breakdown suffered by our interviewer, Mr. Williams, who talked with him as part of the assessment of the slavery issue a few months back. Seems the poor man was so traumatized by what your slave told him in regards to his living conditions, that he was babbling incoherently about having been to the devil's breeding grounds, or something like that, and had to be given an extended medical leave of absence.
I'll be sure to reward the boy, I mean punish the boy, for that. Good-bye, inspector.
As my mind wandered back into reality and i actually read the article, i was relieved that it had nothing to do with us at all. It was actually about a CIA report on the estimated 50,000 immigrant women and children, who are brought into the United States each year from Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe, for the purpose of forced work as prostitutes, servants, or laborers in abusive, sweatshop style businesses. A deplorable situation that defies control, due to the extensive difficulties law enforcement agencies face when investigating and prosecuting such cases.
It is an extremely sad situation that such practices still exists and that there seems to be no real solution or available means to prevent it. It's even sadder to realize that there are people out there with such little regard for the lives of others. Everyday, we read or hear about brutal murders, rapes and any number of other types of violent actions, randomly directed at whoever happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time, that day.
Sitting at home, feeling safe and secure, protected by the walls of the rooms and the locks on the doors, it's easy to ignore the realities of the outside world. We can't control the extent of the dangers hidden within society in general. But we can control those within our lifestyle communities.
Be careful in selecting whom you play with and where you play. When arranging to meet a play partner of the first time, make the meeting place somewhere public. Get to know them before going somewhere private to play. Let someone else know where you are going, the name of the person you are with, and arrange to call them periodically during the time your going to be with this person, to let them know you are alright
Be smart. Play safe.
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