"On July 21, 2000, between 2:30 and 2:45 PM, Anthony F. DeBlase, a.k.a. Fledermaus passed peacefully away in Portland, Oregon." And so it was, in emails world wide, that the Leather/SM Community received the news that one of our most beloved members had been taken from us. A collective sadness quickly fell as our entire community mourned his death. There are only a very few among us whose passing would elicit a similar response. And none equal to that caused by the simple announcement about Tony.
There is hardly a Leatherperson who has not benefited from his the contributions of Tony DeBlase, whether through his extensive educational articles and SM fiction, published in nearly every magazine dealing with the Leather lifestyle; his days as publisher and editor of such landmark publications as Drummer and Mach; as the creator of the journals DungeonMaster and Sandmutopia Guardian; four editions of the Leather History Timeline; the founding and operation of Sandmutopia University; his years on the Executive Council of Living in Leather (LIL), and as a founding member and executive on the Board of Directors for the Leather Archives and Museum (LA&M); his series of SM how-to videos; or the countless seminars/demos/workshops he presented.
His best-known contribution, which will forever endear Tony to the hearts of Leatherpeople worldwide as his creation of the symbol of our lifestyle, the Leather Pride Flag.
But Tony was so much more than just an icon. A true sadist, you could not help but notice the gleam in his eye, the mischievous smile on his lips, when the prospect of having a new victim to "torture" presented itself. An expert in a number of fetish play areas, highly respected as a Master in the handling of whips and the art of bandage, he was also well known as one of the most proficient, creative and exhaustive administrators of CBT which made him sought after by hordes of boys at every event he attended. And of course, being quite aware of his obligations as a teacher, not to mention his own insatiable desire for fresh play toys, very rarely did he turn down a boy's request that Tony use his body to practice and/or further enhance his skills in whatever play area he desired. It was the proverbial "tough job" that somebody needed to suffer through and get done. Luckily, Tony enjoyed the challenge and was willing to do whatever was required to get it done and then some. Poor boys didn't know what they were letting themselves in for. Give Tony an open invitation and chances were he was, very happily, going to take it.
But the boys could not have been in more capable, caring or gentle hands. Push it to the limit and beyond, Tony would, but always with a very sensitive eye to the boys' well-being and tolerance levels. No boy was ever in any danger of being pushed too far or too fast no matter how much they insisted that they were willing to do "whatever you want, Sir". On the other hand, no boy ever left disappointed. Tony had the ability to make each boy feel special, to reach a new level of confidence in himself as a submissive, no matter how routine or light the session had actually been. That's a skill only the most experienced and caring Dominants possesses.
Whether through his SM activism, his writing, or his dominance, no one in the modern history of our culture has touched us as Tony did. To those who knew him, he exemplified the integrity, honor and trustworthiness that are the traditional hallmarks of a Leatherperson. Tony truly loved the lifestyle. It was evident in every aspect of his work for the Community and in every aspect of his play. No one has done more for our Community, worked more tirelessly, or striven harder to preserve our traditions and heritage than Tony DeBlase.
Part II: A boy's Memory
Sir and i were in Ft. Lauderdale as part of the faculty for Dungeon 301. The event was held at a motel that had two floors that were in a U shape around an inner courtyard. A section of the rooms on the ground floor had been set up as dungeon rooms to be used both as classrooms for the how-to seminars on various types of play; and at night, after the class sessions were done, as play spaces for any attendees who wanted to use them.
Sir waited until fairly late on Saturday night, when most of the others had finished playing and were heading back to their room, before instructing me to get the box we had brought containing supplies for a temporary piercing scene. The room He wanted to use contained a medical exam table. The walls were covered with black plastic and white Christmas lights, creating the impression that one was standing outdoors under starry skies. I put on one of the CD's we like to use; Sir strapped a blindfold in place, laid me down on the table, and began inserting the needles.
Sir had just about all the needles He planned on using inserted when a good friend of ours, Bear Man, peeked in. Bear Man is the organizer of the Dungeon series and was making a last check of the rooms for the night to lock up those that were no longer being used. He came in just long enough to see what we were doing and for Sir to describe what He had in mind once the needles were in.
A few minutes later, Bear Man came back. i could not make out what Sir and Bear Man were saying because they were speaking very softly across the room, but i did recognize Bear Man's voice. Being blindfolded, i couldn't see that someone else was also present and i didn't hear a third voice, yet i sensed that someone else was in the room. For some mysterious reason, i felt that it was Tony DeBlase. At the time, Sir and i did not know Tony that well. We had been introduced through a mutual friend a couple years prior, and had talked briefly on a few occasions. Even so, it was not a surprise when Sir came over to tell me that Tony had asked to stay and watch for a while.
Sir continued with the piercings and then laced them with string to give them a little extra pull. He then fashioned a codpiece by sewing a piece of fur to my skin. I felt Him place something on top of the fur but from the weight and feel, couldn't figure out what it was. I heard Him talking softly to Tony, then He came back to tell me that the object was a knife i had given Him, and that if i felt ready, He wanted to do a cutting. He also asked if i would be alright to have Tony present when He did it.
We had been discussing doing a cutting for over a year. When we first got together, i had told Sir that it was one of the few play areas that i was not interested in. But i had become interested after seeing a cutting demonstration that Pat Califia had presented. I was excited at the thought of finally trying it and both thrilled and honored that Tony would be there. i admired and highly respected Tony not only for all he had done for the lifestyle, but also as someone who i felt exemplified and defined what being a Leatherman meant and what the Leather Lifestyle was supposed to be about.
A few months prior to that evening, Sir given me the honor of having His last name, Harris. The cutting Sir did that night were the letters b and h which he placed on my lower abdomen. I cannot describe the feeling that came over me when i realized that He was now marking me permanently with my new initials.
Through it all i could feel Tony there with us, feel the strength and the calming force of the energy he was sending us. This sacred act took place in the presence of the man who gave us the symbol of our culture, the Leather Pride Flag; a man who was at the forefront in urging us to preserve our history and traditions. Tony instinctively and generously warmed and comforted me by being fully aware and deeply appreciative of the importance of what was taking place.
There have only been two instances in the dungeon when i have been brought to tears. The first time was out of disappointment. It was during one of my very first flogging scenes with my first lover. I had to ask him to stop after only a few strokes and began to cry, disappointed in myself that i had let him down in not being able to last longer, in not providing him the full enjoyment he should have had.
The second time was that night, and this time they were tears of joy. For on that night i received the highest of honors: Sir marked me with the symbol of my identity in this lifestyle. The feelings and emotions of that night will live with me forever.
Although we were more acquaintances than friends of Tony's before that night, a deeper friendship quickly developed after the cutting. By being there, and witnessing the act, Tony had become a part of the experience. It still brings tears to my eyes when i think back on the beauty of what we had shared and the bond that was forged that night between Tony, Sir and myself. And although i deeply regret that we will not have the opportunity for our friendship with Tony to continue to grow, the memory of that night, of how it touched and changed us, will be with me forever.
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