I'll admit it. If I had my way, "should" would be a word driven from the language.
There are times when I really feel sorry for the new folks coming into the scene. After all, we had it pretty easy. We just did what felt good, avoided what didn't and everyone pretty much got along with that. But no more.
Now, a person coming in for the first time is greeted with tons of material detailing what the ideal relationship is to be like, who they should trust and not trust, how every little aspect of their emotional life is to respond to every situation.
And it is all pure BULLSHIT!!
I remember one night, having nothing better to do with my time, hanging out in our favorite chat room watching the details of what a dom should be like appearing on the screen and laughing knowing full well that neither I, nor any other dom I know, had any of those qualities. Finally, one of the folks in the room typed, "I hope all the newbies are paying attention to this." To which I responded, "I hope the newbies don't expect to find a breathing human like this."
What all the bdsm idealists out there seem to forget is that we don't stop being human the moment we take on a role in the scene. We are the same irascible, annoying, bothersome, judgmental, normal people that we are in our everyday lives. We don't change just because now we are Lord Dom Supreme Poobah GOD for an evening of debauchery. On the contrary, we are motivated by the same things that motivate us outside the play room, where the food is and is the bathroom clean. If something pisses us off in our everyday life, it is going to piss us off in the play area. If something makes us laugh in our everyday life, it is going to be even funnier in the dungeon.
Never forget that we all have real lives, lives that have absolutely nothing to do with bdsm or the roles we may take on in it and these are the lives that determine how we respond to our bdsm roles and brethren, not the other way around. And such things are not answerable to the book writers or the web page operators. We do not fit into stereotypes, of others' making, or our own. We are individuals who bring to the scene the backgrounds of individuals and we are going always be that way, no matter how much it may annoy those who would seek to impose uniformity upon us.
Copyright Dagger Dom
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