~ Holiday Hell ~
By John R. Ballew, M.S.
Copyright 2005 all rights reserved
|
The holiday season is here – hooray! What’s that you say? You don’t feel like celebrating?
The time between Thanksgiving and New Years’ Day is one of the most stressful times of the year. Even
if things are going well, there’s a lot to do: presents to buy, cards to mail, schedules disrupted by fun
stuff that somehow can feel a little like a burden. And if things aren’t going well – you’re alone, you’re
broke or unemployed, your relationship with your family looks more like the Ozbournes than Ozzie and
Harriet – the holidays can be a real setup for unhappiness. No wonder that stress, anxiety and
depression run rampant this time of year.
Stop and take a breath. First, know that if you’ve got the blues, you’ve also got lots of company. Feeling
melancholy during the holidays doesn't make you some sort of freak, even if everyone else looks happy
and …gay. One of the things that make the holiday blues more painful is feeling like you shouldn’t feel
that way! This doesn’t mean seasonal stress is something insignificant. Far from it. Here are some
suggestions.
Manage your expectations. Decide for yourself what’s important and set priorities for yourself. Pace
yourself. Do the holidays have spiritual meaning for you? Celebrate that, not trite holiday glitz.
Don’t try to shop yourself happy. Overspending yourself into debt is like having a hangover that lasts
for months. Making a budget and sticking to it is giving yourself a present!
Practice good mental hygiene. Nostalgia is fine up to a point, but this is no time to dwell on past
disappointments. Practice cultivating a grateful heart. Focus on what you have, not what you don’t have.
Look for ways to help out someone who is less fortunate – serving meals at a soup kitchen or visiting a
nursing home, for example.
Watch your diet, sleep and exercise patterns. Watch the carbs. Don’t skip your exercise routine;
exercise helps you stay emotionally resilient. And don’t drink too much. Drinking and party drugs can
deplete your brain’s supply of serotonin, making you more vulnerable to depression.
Be with people. Touch base with friends you’ve not heard from in a while. Spend time with people who
care about you. If you know others who will be by themselves, consider having a potluck dinner together.
Be alone and love it. What would pampering yourself look like? You might catch up on your reading.
Schedule a massage or a day for yourself at a spa. If it would make you happy, you can decorate the
hell out of your house or apartment even if no one else will see it!
Set boundaries with your family. Many of us love our families, but for others the trip to the ancestral
home is a test of our sanity. Assert yourself. Don’t let others make demands on you if compliance will
lead you to feel resentful. If you find yourself feeling attacked or disrespected, remember that you’re a
grown-up now. No one can make you feel small without your cooperation. Don’t give in.
One of the joys of life as a gay human being is that we get to be creative in how we design and structure
our lives. We don’t let others impose their expectations on us during the rest of the year – why should
we let it happen during this season? Be imaginative, take great care of yourself, and celebrate the gift of
life.
Happy holidays!
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out,
sexuality and relationships, spirituality and career. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.
© Copyright 2005 John R. Ballew, M.S. All rights reserved.
The BRC extends thanks to John R. Ballew for his gracious consent to display and archive his contributions on this site. Any duplication in
any form is prohibited without express written permission of the author and is a copyright violation.