~ Mind Chatter and Mental Health ~
By John R. Ballew, M.S.
Copyright 2005 all rights reserved
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Last time we looked at how to begin the practice of mindfulness as a way of becoming aware of how our
mind operates. Now let’s take a closer look and see how we can apply these some of these insights.
We’re having conversations in our heads all the time. A client once compared his mind to a gerbil
running on a wheel in its cage – feet working furiously, but not getting anywhere. It’s an apt comparison.
Like the gerbil, our minds love to be busy. In the absence of other information, our minds sometimes fill
themselves with worries, doubts or fears. Our mind is constantly looking for the worst-case scenario.
I think this pattern originates in childhood. As kids we were constantly facing new situations, and we
risked embarrassment or injury if we didn’t respond skillfully. So we become vigilant – maybe too much
so. (You can imagine that this might be even more the case for young gay kids who are worried that
being found out in a hostile situation could be quite dangerous.) So our minds get busy with a sort of
self-conscious "brainstorming."
Like many other things, this may serve a purpose at one time early in our lifetimes, but we overdo it or
outgrow it. The voice that started off warning us about potential danger becomes hyper-vigilant and is
always looking for danger – sometimes seeing it when it’s not actually there.
Other voices join the conversation. One might be an internalization of the critical voices of parents,
teachers, coaches and others. The voice morphs into an all-purpose critic that is never satisfied and
never gives us a break. Another voice might be a response to this: a sort of defiant "inner child" that
rebels against the parent. It’s like having a committee meeting in your head.
These voices have a lot in common. They tend to shout at us rather than whisper. They often give bad
advice. And sometimes they all want to talk at the same time! We become paralyzed by our self-
consciousness like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming car. Maybe it happens when we think about
asking that cute guy at the gym and inviting him out for coffee. Or it happens at work when we’re called
on to make an important presentation. We’re too distracted by our internal conversation to figure out
how to respond. What to do?
First, take a breath. Calm yourself. Let your mind become clearer. Remember that thoughts are just
thoughts and worries are just worries; they aren’t reality. This practice mirrors what Buddhists call non-
attachment. When your mind is clear you are no longer distracted, a prisoner of fears you can do
nothing about. You have more freedom and can make better choices, rather than simply trying to buy off
your internal critic.
Think of creating an internal supporter to sit at the committee table. Unlike your critic (who spends all his
time looking for ways that you’re screwing up), this voice is one of encouragement. He might say: Hey,
you’ve been here before. You know what to do. Don’t listen to those other guys!
Please note that this practice is different from what is commonly called "will power." Will power is too
often not about freedom to make choices, but is just a way of turning your inner critic into a tyrant. That
isn’t a reliable way to create positive change in your life.
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out,
sexuality and relationships, spirituality and career. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.
© Copyright 2005 John R. Ballew, M.S. All rights reserved.
The BRC extends thanks to John R. Ballew for his gracious consent to display and archive his contributions on this site. Any duplication in
any form