~ Bad Boys ~
By John R. Ballew, M.S.
Copyright 2005 all rights reserved
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You’ve seen the old bumper sticker: “Good girls go to heaven; bad girls go everywhere!” Is it true?
And what about good boys and bad boys?
Good boys are solid citizens: trustworthy, hard working, clean-cut. When you were young, they were
the ones that your mother wanted you to act like. They washed their hands before dinner, always
made their beds and got good grades in school. As adults, these traits might translate into a being a
guy with steady career, a bank account that’s never overdrawn, and few bad habits. Good husbands,
great friends; maybe a little boring.
Bad boys are often risk-takers and troublemakers. They enjoy stirring things up just to see what will
happen: cutting class if it was too boring, skipping homework if there was something more fun to do,
trying forbidden stuff like cigarettes or booze or sex. As adults they may still have that wild streak.
Delaying gratification has never been their thing. If there’s a good time to be had, they are having it.
Lousy husbands, unpredictable friends; often a lot of fun.
As little boys, we were taught to find a good girl when it came time to get serious about dating. Bad
girls might be more fun, but you wouldn’t want to bring them home to Mom and Dad. For most of us,
the same model held up when we realized we were attracted to guys. Potential partners are seen as
either saints or sluts. And saints aren’t usually very sexy.
In relationships, this can lead us to seek out the good boys to be our partners… and then lose erotic
interest in them. Or we withhold the sexy bad boy parts of ourselves because we would be
embarrassed if our partner thought we were out of control.
Some people spend a fair amount of time trying to get in touch with their “inner child.” Maybe they
ought to try harder to find their inner juvenile delinquent. One way to keep a relationship juicy is for
each partner to let his bad boy out from time to time. A life of too much moderation and virtue can
become hopelessly tiresome. (On the other hand, too much “bad boy energy” can make you crazy.)
Relationships that become boring are rarely sexy.
What sorts of things let your bad boy out to play? Here are some clues:
Bad boys are likely to be messier than good boys. A bad boy wants your load on his face, or
vice versa. He wants to hose you down when you shower together. He gets lube all over your nice
clean sheets.
Bad boys can get rude or pushy or arrogant. Bad boys say things like “Oh yeah, suck my dick!”
or “I want you to fuck me with that big cock tonight….” (Some bad boys sound like a bad porn video,
but you get the idea.) They know how to enjoy themselves!
Bad boys like to show off or make a lot of noise. Sometimes they dress up in leather or
jockstraps or other sexy stuff. Or they just like being naked. They strut a little. And no one asks a
bad boy, “Did you cum yet?” They may even howl or shout when they shoot.
Bad boys sometimes act like pigs. They want to get nasty with you. They like sex – a lot – and
they want it real and primal, like an animal in heat.
We’ve all got a bad boy inside of us. When we unleash the little fella life can be a lot more fun. Bad
boys can turn sex into play again, and that’s very cool.
If you’re going to let your bad boy out, there are a couple of things to keep in mind. Bad boys like to
push limits, and that can get them into trouble. Bad boys can drink or drug too much, and that’s not
pretty. Set some limits. And remember that safer sex is a must, no matter how much of a pig the kid
inside you wants to be. Bad boys may want it raw, but you need to remind him to wrap that rascal
unless you’re both monogamous and HIV-negative.
If you’re playing with a partner, letting your little animal out can feel risky. There’s sometimes a fine
line between being an animal and looking silly. If your bad boy runs into a lot of attitude from your
partner’s good boy, feelings are going to get hurt. It’s an intimate thing to let someone else see this
part of you, so check with your guy first to make sure he’s up for the ride.
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out,
sexuality and relationships, spirituality and career. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.
© Copyright 2005 John R. Ballew, M.S. All rights reserved.
The BRC extends thanks to John R. Ballew for his gracious consent to display and archive his contributions on this site. Any duplication
in any form is prohibited without express written permission of the author and is a copyright violation.