~ Vacationing With Your Partner ~
By John R. Ballew, M.S.
Copyright 2005 all rights reserved
|
Ah, vacation time. We dream about it when we’re at work, plotting and planning for that cruise, tour
or road trip. Time away from day-to-day cares. We yearn for that day at the beach with nothing to
do, or rafting down the Colorado River, or maybe visiting the capitals of Europe.
We imagine adventures and romance. Maybe a three star hotel in Provence would rekindle some of
the romance that long work schedules and rehabbing that old house have driven from our lives. A
hike in the North Georgia Mountains or snuggling in a sleeping bag on a chilly night in Maine will give
us time to appreciate one another…and maybe some time to do the wild thing.
How come reality often seems a little different?
It’s the third day of your cruise and the thought of another day with your lover underfoot all the time in
your closet-sized stateroom is about to drive you nuts. Your partner wants to have dinner again with
that annoying couple from Minneapolis; couldn’t he tell you were bored to death last night? The
vacation started off fine, but the tension got so thick last evening that you’re still licking your wounds
this morning. Who thought this was such a great idea?
Like the holidays, the thought of a vacation tends to build up expectations and fantasies that aren’t
always the same as reality. And when those expectations aren’t met, disappointments can seem
blown out of proportion. And many of us remember family vacations that were filled with frustration,
arguments and unhappiness. Ick.
Truth is, taking a trip together for a week or two can really test a relationship. (A wise old friend says
that if you get along with the guy you’re dating and you can travel well together for three weeks, you
oughta marry him!) When you’re around one another without interruption little annoyances grow
bigger, especially when we’re away from the comfortable routines of home. At home you like his calm
nature; on the trip he seems more like a wet blanket. Or our differences suddenly seem huge and
you wonder what you ever saw in the guy.
What’s a couple to do?
Experienced partners grow to understand the rhythm of time away from home. They allow each other
to be playful in different ways: one guy wants adventure, the other one wants the freedom to stick his
nose in that novel he’s been meaning to read for months. Those aren’t mutually exclusive, but
compromises are called for.
You may not need to schedule every hour, but it’s good to think about a realistic schedule. Allow
yourself some down time – particularly if you’re hoping for some gourmet lovemaking. (Too much
hiking or museum-touring and you’ll probably want to sleep instead.) And realize that no matter how
much you love one another, sharing time around the clock can make you feel starved for some alone
time. Experienced travelers understand that’s not rejection – its realism.
Are there certain things that each of you really, really wants to do during your time away? What do
you need to do to make each of those things happen? What things are essential and what are
merely “nice if they can happen?”
And what about traveling with friends? Sharing memories with another person or couple can multiply
the fun you have – or multiply the problems. Try having a meal together early in the trip planning
process and see what each of you wants from the experience. Friends can help interrupt the
potential problem of seemingly uninterrupted time with your lover. But understand that little
annoyances at home can become major frustrations if you can’t get away from them. No matter how
much you may enjoy your friends, if their goals for the vacation are different from yours, misery may
follow.
The word “recreation” implies that we give ourselves time to nourish and “re-create” ourselves away
from the everyday stresses of life. Having fun with your partner is essential to the health of a
relationship; fun is the fuel relationships run on. Think things through and you’ll have a great time.
Now go out and have fun. Bon Voyage!
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out,
sexuality and relationships, spirituality and career. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.
© Copyright 2005 John R. Ballew, M.S. All rights reserved.
The BRC extends thanks to John R. Ballew for his gracious consent to display and archive his contributions on this site. Any
duplication in any form is prohibited without express written permission of the author and is a copyright violation.