~ Changing Sexual Orientation ~
By John R. Ballew, M.S.
Copyright 2005 all rights reserved
|
You’ve seen the headlines and seen the television news; maybe you got a call from Mom and Dad
asking hopefully if you had seen the news. Here we go again, you thought.
A study presented by a psychiatrist at Columbia University claims a success rate of up to 66 percent
in changing “motivated” homosexuals into heterosexuals. The research consisted of 45-minute
telephone interviews with 143 men and 57 women who had sought help from religious organizations
and mental health professionals claiming success in changing sexual orientation. The study has not
been accepted for publication anywhere – not even professionally reviewed, in fact, but simply
presented at the May 9 meeting of the American Psychiatric Association.
Another study presented at the same conference produced very different results: 6 individuals out of
202 changed their orientation in that study, a 3 percent “success” rate. 178 individuals, or 88
percent, completely failed to alter their sexual orientation.
The changeability of sexual orientation is a political issue in our society. The officially sanctioned
orientation (heterosexuality) bestows benefits ranging from lower taxes for straight couples to social
and religious approval. Having other sexual orientations – being gay, for instance – makes you
susceptible to termination of employment at the whim of your boss, and your relationship makes you a
potential felon if you live somewhere with a sodomy law still on the books. Under these
circumstances, it makes a big difference if the unsanctioned orientation is a fact of life or merely a
“choice.” When the conversation gets framed in terms of “motivation,” as it was in this study, gay folks
simply look like slackers who simply haven’t tried hard enough.
Sexual orientation is not only an issue of whether you are sexual with men or women (or both men and
women). Orientation includes not only sexual behavior, but also attractions and desires, whether
acted on or not. You can act heterosexual – many of us tried that at one time or another – but that
certainly doesn’t make you heterosexual. Similarly, heterosexual men may be sexual with other men
in environments where women aren’t available (the military, prison, etc), but that doesn’t make them
gay. Sexual orientation is also a matter of emotional and social attraction as well as behavior. It
encompasses how we self identify and proclaim ourselves to the world.
Some people are miserable in their same-sex attraction. If your religion tells you that God is going to
send you to hell for eternity – and if you believe that – then of course you are going to consider your
attraction to someone of the same sex a dilemma. Similarly, if your family attacks you because you
are “that way,” or if you live with discrimination or violence at work or school, you may feel that your
sexual orientation is a loathsome burden. Of course, your orientation is not really the problem: the
problem is the bigotry you encounter from church, family and society. It can be less threatening to
think of something inside of you as the source of the pain than to challenge authority. That’s
especially true of you are being told that change is possible if you are sufficiently “motivated.”
A few people who are primarily homosexual in orientation but who have some degree of bisexuality
about them can probably change their behavior and start sleeping with the socially approved gender
given enough coercion. This is often temporary, or fraught with “relapses.” Remember the ex-gay
poster boy caught in the gay bar last year?
Some people become so despondent because of the bigotry they encounter (not because of their
orientation) that they truly suffer. Studies demonstrate that staying in the closet increases your risk of
alcoholism, depression and self-destructive behavior. People struggling with this sort of unhappiness
need to find a gay-supportive psychotherapist.
The answer is not to try to change your sexual orientation. The answer is to love and affirm yourself,
find ways to reach out and learn more, and embrace your life.
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out,
sexuality and relationships, spirituality and career. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.
© Copyright 2005 John R. Ballew, M.S. All rights reserved.
The BRC extends thanks to John R. Ballew for his gracious consent to display and archive his contributions on this site. Any duplication
in any form is prohibited without express written permission of the author and is a copyright violation