~ Viagra ~
By John R. Ballew, M.S.
Copyright 2005 all rights reserved
|
The US Food and Drug Administration approved Viagra in March 1998. Anyone questioning how
much of the media is influenced by middle-aged men should take note of how much press this wonder
drug has received; a cure for cancer could hardly have gotten more attention. There have been
other medications available for several years, but they required injecting stuff into your genitals or
pushing something into the urethra. You can understand why you probably haven’t heard a lot about
these treatments.
The little blue pill was much easier to swallow, that made it of interest to many, many men. In fact, it
took less than a month after FDA approval before I heard a first-hand account of a gay man using the
stuff recreationally: a friend of mine talked about having sex with a young man who certainly had no
problem getting an erection, but who used the drug to stay aroused during a sexual marathon with my
friend and several other guys.
Crystal meth and other drugs cause problems with erections; to many party boys, Viagra looks like the
answer. While the drug has relatively few medical side effects for most men, some men with cardiac
conditions have died. Mixing Viagra with other party drugs can be a problem, and using Viagra with
poppers (amyl or butyl nitrate) is potentially fatal.
This stuff may have originally been prescribed for erectile dysfunction – men who couldn’t get
erections at all, or who had trouble staying hard once they got aroused. Beyond this medical use,
some men see Viagra as the opportunity to become a sexual athlete, not a cure for impotence. In
fact, athletes figure more and more in how Viagra is advertised. Gay men are often very concerned
about sex and performance. Men who base much of their self-image on their sexuality may see
Viagra as a gift from heaven. In a culture that values keeping it up as long as possible, reliable
erections at $10 or $15 a pop can seem like a bargain.
All sorts of physical problems (hypertension, cardiac problems, diabetes) can affect erections, and
Viagra can be valuable for men have medical problems that affect them sexually. And as we move
into the middle of life, most of us will occasionally experience not having an erection when we really,
really want one. That’s perfectly normal (if annoying!) and doesn’t mean there’s something medically
wrong. If it happens on a regular basis, though, problems with getting hard can undermine a guy’s
sexual self-confidence. Because so much about sexuality is psychological, not physiological, anything
that boosts our egos may also help increase sexual pleasure and lessen anxiety. Viagra can provide
that sort of…lift.
Unfortunately, potency does not always translate into intimacy. Intimacy requires us to become
vulnerable with one another. Sexual athletes take Viagra for the opposite reason – to become
impressive sexual Supermen. They may have more sex than ever, but without a corresponding
increase in fulfillment. And because sexual compulsivity is already a concern for some gay men,
Viagra is not without it’s risks. Guys who use sex as a way of distracting themselves from what makes
them anxious in their lives may find Viagra makes their lives even more of a problem.
It’s also important to understand that Viagra isn’t an aphrodisiac. Men experiencing performance
problems because they lack interest in sex, are conflicted about their sexual identity, or who are
having relationship problems aren’t going to find the answer in a bottle. The problem is emotional, not
medical.
Using Viagra can mask deeper problems. If a guy is wrestling with depression and low self-esteem,
sex-on-Viagra can look like an escape. It can be very tempting to forget those troubles about work or
relationships or whatever and go out and get laid instead. But if a guy is having sex with partners he
doesn’t really like or who don’t really turn him on, turning himself into a sex machine isn’t going to
work. If he’s feeling isolated or alone, he probably really wants intimacy, not sexual distraction. When
we treat our bodies like objects (or as a life support system for an erection), we risk feeling even less
fulfilled than when we started. That’s especially true when other recreational drugs like
methamphetamines or cocaine are involved. As a friend of mine likes to say, you can never get
enough of what you don’t really want.
If you are experiencing sexual problems, see your physician or a psychotherapist. Remember that if
you are experiencing anxiety around sex, problems forming intimate relationships or low self-esteem,
understand that the answer is within you, not in the pharmaceutical industry. A three-hour long
erection isn’t as important as learning what your conditions are for having good sex and for getting
your other intimacy needs met.
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out,
sexuality and relationships, spirituality and career. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.
© Copyright 2005 John R. Ballew, M.S. All rights reserved.
The BRC extends thanks to John R. Ballew for his gracious consent to display and archive his contributions on this site. Any duplication
in any form is prohibited without express written permission of the author and is a copyright violation