~ Customary Dungeon Etiquette and Protocol ~ (Part One)
by Mistress Steel
Many events or dungeons are open or available by INVITATION ONLY. If you receive an invitation to attend an event it is customary to keep the information on the invitation private. Often the exact location of a facility is purposely kept PRIVATE. If you are given directions to such a private facility you should maintain the privacy of those directions as well as any phone numbers or contact names which you may possess. If you are approached by someone requesting contact information without a personal reference, it is customary for you to forward their request directly to whomever is organizing the event and NOT place the unknown or non-referenced person into direct contact WITHOUT prior permission from the host. Invitations are also kept private for organizational reasons. Some facilities can only host small numbers of guests comfortably and often it is impossible to invite all possible guests to attend. The host or hostess often must make selective choices as to the composition of the guest list. An invitation inadvertantly divulged to someone not in receipt of one may cause hurt feelings and divisions within the community.
Most privately hosted events or socials encourage the guests to bring suitable beverages (non-alcoholic) and finger food. Ask when you RSVP your invitation. It is also correct etiquette for a guest to bring a small token for the host or hostess to be offered to them at the time of entry (regardless if the guest is PAYING a fee to attend!) This is generally a gesture of respect as well as a polite thank you for the pleasure of the invitation itself. In addition, ASK your host or hostess if there is any OTHER service which you may be able to provide on the night of the event. Sometimes additional seating is helpful such as fold out chairs and occasionally you may be asked to 'escort' a new person to the event and act on their behalf for the evening. You may also be asked to serve as a Dungeon Master or Mistress and if you are you should make plans to arrive early to take any final direction from the host or hostess.
It is customary for the 'doors' to open at a specific time and close at a specific time. Pay attention to this window of arrival time and be prompt. You may be barred out if you arrive late regardless if you have paid to attend in advance. If you KNOW you will be outside of the arrival time window then notify your host or hostess WELL in advance (24 hour minimum) to see if an alternative entry arrangment is possible.
Cameras and all types of photography equipment are NOT allowed. You must have formal legal permission IN WRITING to photograph a person in-scene as well as the same formal legal permission IN WRITING of the host facility. In-scene photography presents real and present dangers to people in attendance and is usually ONLY allowed for specific 'shoots' for magazines, books or event advertisements. Private parties such as weddings often DO have photographers present and you should ASK your host or hostess if this is the case PRIOR to attending if this concerns you.
Most dungeons do not allow the presence of a non-invited guest. If you receive an invitation and would like to bring someone who is not on the guest list then ASK your host or hostess for permission. Many public dungeons have OPEN nights where guests are INVITED to bring newcomers for demonstrations or workshops. Many BDSM organizations routinely organize events specifically for people new to the lifestyle, inquire of the organizations local to your area for such events calendars.
Most people in attendance at an event will use their first name or a known nickname. Identity is confidential. Do NOT offer your full identity, phone number, work information or feel compelled to divulge private information. Privacy is protected for all participants regardless of 'role'. If you meet someone outside of scene at a later time do NOT use in-scene nicknames or present yourself with reminders of the event to them. Many people keep association with the community private and expect the same courtesy of others in the maintenance of that privacy.
Attire at an event is often specified in the invitation. In general most guests are asked to arrive in suitable 'street' clothing with any toys stowed in a non-descript traveling bag, tube or other suitable mundane container. Upon arrival those bringing fetish clothing are often provided with an area to change clothing. If you do not have fetish wear then it is considered proper to wear black or dark clothing. Try to dress in comfortable clothing. If you are a female be aware that you may be required to stand for long periods of time and attend your footwear based on such requirements.
Be sure to inquire of your host or hostess of the HOUSE RULES prior to attending the event. Often specific types of scening are forbidden and SEXUAL contact is always off limits unless SPECIFICALLY approved by the host or hostess in advance of the event.
Customary Dungeon Etiquette And Protocol (Part Two)