I like to understand things. I like to know what is really going on. I like to be as good as I can in what I do. To this end, being the analytical type that I am, I like to have a model, or theory, which helps me to understand what I am doing and what is going on around me.
BDSM is full of frills and window-dressing. Getting to the core of it--understanding which are the basic "components"--means looking around at what people do, looking at their feelings and extracting the common elements.
I am going to present the framework in which I see and play with BDSM. I am optimistic that submission and submissives, in all their BDSM forms, will fit into this framework. This document is one man's evolving opinion, ie. mine, and not an academic work. It is the result of experience and much thought and discussion with others in the BDSM scene.
Because there are so many ways of "doing" BDSM, and because there are so many people doing so many different things, terminology can be very unclear--the same word can mean many different things to many different people. To make my framework clear it is necessary that I define the terminology that I use. Some of these definitions you may not agree with, but please keep them in mind, even if only while reading this.
Oh! And, by the way, to make the language simpler, and because it suits me, I refer to dominants as male and submissives as female. There is no gender bias implied, it just saves me fiddling too much with words.
Goals of this document
One goal that this document does not have is to be a guide on how to "do" BDSM. There are no rope techniques, candle guides, anatomy diagrams for floggers and floggees, etc. The document is about psychology and philosophy.
To identify, categorise and label different forms of submission and submissive behavior (including slavery).
To identify characteristics of each form:
Wants or needs Modes of satisfaction Relation to identity of individual
To describe the modes of progression, or growth, in relation to personal development, personal satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, perception of self-worth, development of identity.
To describe characteristics of the dominants required by each type of submissive.
Definitions
The definitions key to this document are given in the following Cornerstones section. In this section I give some background definitions that might help a little with my use of terminology.
BDSM is a clever little acronym that stands for:
Bondage & Discipline Dominance & Submission Sadism & Masochism Bondage involves being restrained physically, for example in chains, rope or in stocks. Dominance and submission are the subjects of this document and will be defined below.
Sadism and Masochism refer to the giving and receiving of pain, respectively, often for erotic purposes.
BDSM, collectively, is a consensual activity practiced amongst adults.
The world of BDSM: the people involved in it (the players), the activities and the parties at which it can occur are called "the scene".
A particular BDSM event between two, or so, partners is called "a scene". Like a scene in a play or movie, a BDSM scene has a clearly defined start and end. It could be something like a flogging scene, where one partner is flogged, a bondage scene, where one partner is tied up or restrained in some way, and so on.
A particular activity is often called play. Thus you can have bondage-play (eg. tying someone up), pain-play inflicting pain or exploring pain, etc.
There are very many people involved in BDSM if only for kinky sex. Kinky sex is ordinary(?) sexual intercourse with elements of BDSM included to fuel fantasy and/or add spice and variety.
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