Understanding Submission ~ by Peter Copyright © 1998 - ABIS (Australian Bdsm Information Site) |
(Continued From Page 1)
Cornerstones
There are some key ideas that form the basis for everything that will be discussed
here. I am going to mention them now, and then elaborate on them throughout
the rest of this article.
There are two key elements to BDSM. The first is control. The second is pain,
discomfort and restraint. Both of these are required in BDSM activities. If both
are not present, then it isn't BDSM.
Control
The term "control" refers to a submissive (person) surrendering of control of
some aspect of her activities to a dominant (person), who also must accept that
control.
Even in a simple scene between two strangers at a party, where there is no
emotional or spiritual bond between the players, the submissive must still give up
control, enough to allow the dominant to, for example, take over and tie her or
flog her how he chooses.
In deeper, longer-term partnerships, the surrendering of control may extend to
areas of general behavior, attitudes, dress, availability to the dominant, etc. This
often can involve a deep attitude change and a pervading awareness in the
submissive that she is a servant or possession of the dominant.
Sometimes the surrendering of control by the submissive and the taking up of
that control by the dominant is referred to as power exchange.
The surrendered control has specifically to do with pain, discomfort or restraint
(see below) being inflicted or imposed on the submissive by the dominant. The
dominant is in control over some or all aspects of this while the submissive is not.
Pain, discomfort and restraint (PDR)
A submissive gives her dominant control over her. This control extends to
inflicting some form of pain, discomfort or restraint on her.
BDSM activities all involve some form of pain, discomfort or restraint. If there is
none, then it's not BDSM.
A submissive gives control over her pain, discomfort or restraint to a dominant.
There is a direct or indirect reward achieved by this "act of submission".
A dominant is one who accepts this control and then imposes or inflicts pain,
discomfort or restraint on the submissive.
The "act of submission" is the submissive giving up the control and then
accepting the pain, discomfort or restraint from her dominant that leads to her
reward.
In the rest of this document pain, discomfort and restraint will be abbreviated as
PDR.
It should be noted that the obvious physical associations with pain, discomfort
and restraint are not the only ones. Equally, or possibly, more relevant are the
emotional, psychological and spiritual pains, discomforts and restraints such as
humiliation, embarassment, discipline, behaviour modification, tasks and duties,
etc.
It is not the case that every submissive is "into" every form of pain, discomfort
or restraint. It is that every submissive must be "into" at least one.
Three types of submissive
The immediate submissive finds an immediate reward as a "consequence" of the
act of submission. This may be something like sexual arousal, the satiation
(temporarily, at least) of feelings of guilt, or simply the pleasure of an endorphin
rush. The act of submission is not pleasurable or satisfying on its own.
The psychological submissive finds her reward in the act of submission itself.
This satisfaction or pleasure can, for example, come from the associated with
temporarily giving up responsibility. Or it can come from a relaxation of the
need to "be herself" while the dominant is in control; she can, instead, simply be
nothing, she can abandon herself completely.
The slave has an internal need or craving that is appeased by the act of
submission. The act of submission itself may or may not be pleasurable to the
slave, but the release from the pressure of the need always is.
A submissive friend of mine offers the following analogy for the three types:
Understanding Submission continued on page 3
Table of Contents
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reproduced by permission on The BRC. All rights reserved. This article may not be
reproduced in any form, whole or in part, with express written permission from the
author. Contact the author. Need more info on copyright law? Click here
Cornerstones
There are some key ideas that form the basis for everything that will be discussed
here. I am going to mention them now, and then elaborate on them throughout
the rest of this article.
There are two key elements to BDSM. The first is control. The second is pain,
discomfort and restraint. Both of these are required in BDSM activities. If both
are not present, then it isn't BDSM.
Control
The term "control" refers to a submissive (person) surrendering of control of
some aspect of her activities to a dominant (person), who also must accept that
control.
Even in a simple scene between two strangers at a party, where there is no
emotional or spiritual bond between the players, the submissive must still give up
control, enough to allow the dominant to, for example, take over and tie her or
flog her how he chooses.
In deeper, longer-term partnerships, the surrendering of control may extend to
areas of general behavior, attitudes, dress, availability to the dominant, etc. This
often can involve a deep attitude change and a pervading awareness in the
submissive that she is a servant or possession of the dominant.
Sometimes the surrendering of control by the submissive and the taking up of
that control by the dominant is referred to as power exchange.
The surrendered control has specifically to do with pain, discomfort or restraint
(see below) being inflicted or imposed on the submissive by the dominant. The
dominant is in control over some or all aspects of this while the submissive is not.
Pain, discomfort and restraint (PDR)
A submissive gives her dominant control over her. This control extends to
inflicting some form of pain, discomfort or restraint on her.
BDSM activities all involve some form of pain, discomfort or restraint. If there is
none, then it's not BDSM.
A submissive gives control over her pain, discomfort or restraint to a dominant.
There is a direct or indirect reward achieved by this "act of submission".
A dominant is one who accepts this control and then imposes or inflicts pain,
discomfort or restraint on the submissive.
The "act of submission" is the submissive giving up the control and then
accepting the pain, discomfort or restraint from her dominant that leads to her
reward.
In the rest of this document pain, discomfort and restraint will be abbreviated as
PDR.
It should be noted that the obvious physical associations with pain, discomfort
and restraint are not the only ones. Equally, or possibly, more relevant are the
emotional, psychological and spiritual pains, discomforts and restraints such as
humiliation, embarassment, discipline, behaviour modification, tasks and duties,
etc.
It is not the case that every submissive is "into" every form of pain, discomfort
or restraint. It is that every submissive must be "into" at least one.
Three types of submissive
The immediate submissive finds an immediate reward as a "consequence" of the
act of submission. This may be something like sexual arousal, the satiation
(temporarily, at least) of feelings of guilt, or simply the pleasure of an endorphin
rush. The act of submission is not pleasurable or satisfying on its own.
The psychological submissive finds her reward in the act of submission itself.
This satisfaction or pleasure can, for example, come from the associated with
temporarily giving up responsibility. Or it can come from a relaxation of the
need to "be herself" while the dominant is in control; she can, instead, simply be
nothing, she can abandon herself completely.
The slave has an internal need or craving that is appeased by the act of
submission. The act of submission itself may or may not be pleasurable to the
slave, but the release from the pressure of the need always is.
A submissive friend of mine offers the following analogy for the three types:
Understanding Submission continued on page 3
Table of Contents
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reproduced by permission on The BRC. All rights reserved. This article may not be
reproduced in any form, whole or in part, with express written permission from the
author. Contact the author. Need more info on copyright law? Click here
Submission is like drinking a glass of water
Immediate submissives might have water only when they eat curry. They
don't do it for itself really, they drink it because it makes the curry
much better, cleanses the mouth, cuts the fire, makes them able to eat
more. They wouldn't think of drinking water without the curry.
Psychological submissives drink water because they like it. Sure they
will drink it with curry, but they'll drink it with roast beef, they'll drink
it with sandwiches, they'll drink it without food at all--because they like
the taste, the way if flows down the gullet, the cleansing feel.
The slave is someone in a hot climate. They have to drink water.
Nothing else does the job. They can try wine or beer or sweet drinks,
but when push comes to shove they must have clean water, because the
others don't cure the thirst. They might allay it some but when the heat
is very fierce, water is the only solution.
Immediate submissives might have water only when they eat curry. They
don't do it for itself really, they drink it because it makes the curry
much better, cleanses the mouth, cuts the fire, makes them able to eat
more. They wouldn't think of drinking water without the curry.
Psychological submissives drink water because they like it. Sure they
will drink it with curry, but they'll drink it with roast beef, they'll drink
it with sandwiches, they'll drink it without food at all--because they like
the taste, the way if flows down the gullet, the cleansing feel.
The slave is someone in a hot climate. They have to drink water.
Nothing else does the job. They can try wine or beer or sweet drinks,
but when push comes to shove they must have clean water, because the
others don't cure the thirst. They might allay it some but when the heat
is very fierce, water is the only solution.
