[22:10:34] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
hey everyone...welcome on in to the Velvet Glove Open Forum


[22:10:42] ethanSSC:
hello everyone s


[22:10:47] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
I'm starting late tonight ~sorry~ b/c of a movie...but ready to start now


[22:11:00] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
tonight's topic is Asexual Power Exchange


[22:11:01] Lightning:
ready set go


[22:11:31] Lightning:
starts with a definition i hope


[22:11:39] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
by that I mean to try to talk about the power exchange that goes on between two people with no romantic relationship, and the power exchange between a couple that does not rely on sexual tension


[22:12:20] ethanSSC:
can there not be romantic relationship and still it be asexual?


[22:12:29] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
so...having said that...how many here have experience w/ a power exchange that was not dependent on a sexual exchange?


[22:12:42] emeraldfire:
<Enters the Dungeon>


[22:12:48] Missy:
isn't that essentially life in egenral?


[22:12:56] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
ethan - that would be defnition b. ~winks~ the power exchange between a couple that does not rely on sexual tension


[22:12:57] Lightning:
extremely rare, never as a sub


[22:13:04] Missy:
everyone in every situation always takes a certain role, whether it be dominant or submissive


[22:13:28] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Missy - well, yes and no - but we are talking about informed, chosen, power exchange in relation to the BDSM lifestyle


[22:14:00] Missy:
ah i see


[22:14:08] Lightning:
is there a setup where one has tension and the other does not


[22:14:57] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Lightning - yes, there are times where one has sexual tension and the other doesn't, but it still isn't asexual. Personally, I'm rarely turned on by power exchange, sexually. but it IS a mental turn on, of sorts, for me


[22:15:03] ethanSSC:
yes ... some tend to place it upon the sex tht is the D.s while others contend that sex is just one aspect of the D.s relationship.. that the power exchange touches each part of their day to day lives


[22:15:53] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
I wanna give some examples that might help put it into focus


[22:16:53] emeraldfire:
~quietly listening~


[22:17:25] Lightning:
i can't imagine being in a s/D relationship where i didn't have tension, whether she did or not


[22:18:03] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
sample one - male submissive, no experience with, say...electrical play. wants to feel the sensation, doesn't know anyone who is good at it except for a Male Dom...so, due to trust in the Top's experience....they agree to play. this is definitely a power exchange...and a very big one. electrical play is a major power exchange...that exchange is based on trust, and respect...but NOT on sex


[22:18:35] Lightning:
ahhh-good example


[22:19:02] Missy:
ok that definitely makes things clearer


[22:19:31] ethanSSC:
yes but does the tension nessecarily have to revolve around the sexual aspects f it Lightning?


[22:20:19] Missy:
but just to be clear...is there a sexual stimulation attached to electrical play for the submissive?...or what is really driving in that interest?


[22:20:21] AireFaerie:
<Enters the Dungeon>


[22:20:54] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
another one...a Female Dominant and male submissive. respect. power exchange. long term relationship. and sometimes, they play sexually. but not always, and they respect and trust each other. and when she enters a room, he kneels softly, bows his head, and kisses the tip of her shoe.


[22:21:08] Lightning:
well, i tend to find myself sexually attracted or the urge to submit isn't likely present. but sample one is an interesting one-regardless of gender, an experience might be worth submission just to have it


[22:21:27] emeraldfire:
~smiles happily; waves ar Aire~


[22:21:30] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Missy - electrical play can be sexy, and even sexual...but the basis for the interest isn't relevant. the basis for the POWER EXCHANGE is what I want to talk about


[22:21:41] ethanSSC:
*s* hello Aire Faerie


[22:21:52] AireFaerie:
~waves back to green light~


[22:22:06] AireFaerie:
Hi ethan. ~s~


[22:22:25] Lightning:
right- i was just trying to answer ethan


[22:23:00] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
ok so I want to hear some feedback. is Lightning similar to everyone? is submission or Domination ONLY based on sexual attraction? or is it different for you


[22:23:44] AireFaerie:
I'd say the initial attration for me and my sub was intellectual.


[22:23:56] Lightning:
i'm getting a better sense of ...if i want to experience "this thing" i will submit to the power exchange wherever i can find "this thing"


[22:24:39] Missy:
i have always seen sexual stimulation/attraction connected as every other driving force...no set line or boundary, so in aspect to something being based on sexual or non sexual attraction, it is all just deemed as an "attraction" or driving force, some being more a deep sexual sense than others...but all touching on sexual in some way, maybe just not noticable


[22:24:52] AireFaerie:
Once we met r/t there was sexual attration but I think a lot of that developed from our "intellectual attraction"


[22:24:55] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
ok Aire...intellectual attraction. and then the power exchange - was it sexual, aexual, or a bit of both?


[22:25:04] ethanSSC:
i believe it is different for me... i do things submissive by nature as a whole... whether that translates to the bedroom or play is beside the fact also certain forms of play do require asexual service


[22:25:30] Lightning:
if i understand your intentions here Robyn, you're talking approaching bdsm more as play and less as personal relationship even though there is a power exchange present


[22:26:09] AireFaerie:
Robyn, definitely both and as to a comment made earlier, when we scene there is a sexual tension there but we rarely have intercourse either before or after a scene.


[22:26:11] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
ok...so here's a concept. can you imagine a relationship - not just a one time exchange - of submission and Dominance, without any sexual contact or arousal dealt with in any way


[22:26:36] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Lightning - opposite. I am trying to discuss approaching BDSM as RELATIONSHIP - respect and trust - and not sex


[22:27:15] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
ethan - does that mean you are submissive to both attractive and unattractive women? to both women and men?


[22:27:32] ethanSSC:
i would define a yoni massage as asexual ...even though it is done for the other... and even though there may be orgasm for the other party... my intent and reason for such are not for sexual gratification on my part. Arousal in doing such is irrelevant, the purpose being to please


[22:28:44] ethanSSC:
Robyn .. yes i would say that.. to almost anybody i am... the exceptions being someone that took advantage of that willingness to please


[22:28:55] AireFaerie:
Robyn, reminds me of DW.


[22:29:02] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
~nods~ thank you ethan...makes sense to me


[22:29:12] Lightning:
still going hmmm about your concept....


[22:29:26] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire - how so? explain please


[22:30:22] AireFaerie:
Robyn, she had strictly non-sexual relationships with Her submissives.


[22:31:36] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire - yes, that's a good point. for others - a mutual acquaintance of Aire and I had more than one submissive at one time, and no sexual relationships with either one - no sex, no sexual contact, no sexual scening.


[22:32:19] AireFaerie:
Robyn and here subs were DEVOTED, it was beautiful to watch.


[22:33:07] Lightning:
Aire/Robyn-does the fact she had non-sexual relationships signify there was nothing sexual? what about unmet desire? is that sexual tension contributing?


[22:33:28] Missy:
i hate to run folks but i t has come that time of night....goodnight everyone


[22:33:29] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire - I recall. highly. so - here's the question. is that an asexual power exchange? or is that an exchange motivated by the sexual desires of the submissives, and their denial or wishes of eventual fulfillment?


[22:33:30] Missy:
<Has left the Dungeon>


[22:33:36] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
g'night Missy


[22:34:21] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Lightning - I am not up and up on all the particulars of their relationships. however...assume that the Mistress took NO control over their sex lives. is that asexual power exchange?


[22:35:07] AireFaerie:
Robyn, remember Contessa and shadow? That was a truly asexual power excahnge to my mind.


[22:35:30] Lightning:
i'm sorting out the ideas. i think if they had desire for her, it'snot asexual


[22:35:46] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire - yes, and still is to the fullest of my mind.


[22:36:15] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
so...first - is asexual power exchange POSSIBLE?


[22:36:31] emeraldfire:
<Has left the Dungeon (autologout).>


[22:36:36] Lightning:
ormaybe it is, geez there are all kinds of unmet desires across the vanilla world, and they are asexual relationships in the schools, workplaces, resttaurants etc.


[22:36:46] AireFaerie:
Lightning, it was not sexual, it was CONTROL, not everything is sex.


[22:37:00] AireFaerie:
Robyn, absolutely.


[22:37:01] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
2nd - can you have an asexual power exchange - sometimes asexual, sometimes not - with someone who you have a sexual relationship or attraction to?


[22:38:23] Lightning:
understood Aire, but still sorting thru this. sex and control are not mutually exclusive, often both present in bdsm or vanilla


[22:38:24] AireFaerie:
Robyn, if you have a sexual relationship with somone I think it will spill over no matter what, and in my life I like it to, but not every BDSM act My sub and I do is sexual.


[22:38:49] emeraldfire:
<Enters the Dungeon.> oops


[22:39:24] AireFaerie:
Lighting, I hate the term mutually exclusive...you can have one without the other for certain though.


[22:41:07] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
ok...in my experience, I am not able to have a power exchange in regards to BDSM - not rope, spanking, anything - with my fiance w/out it turning me on. he is my life partner, and being able to share that part of my life with him also is a turn on


[22:42:02] AireFaerie:
Robyn, I'm the same way but I want it that way as well, ya know?


[22:42:24] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
however, my girl kitty and I are sexually attracted to one another...and yet she does not brush my hair and braid it b/c she is turned on, or hopes to get to cum. nor does she polish my boots...help me make my bed. or serve me in a dozen ways due to sexual turn on or attraction. she does it because she respects me, submits to me, wishes to serve me


[22:42:38] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire - definitely ~g~ with your life partner, that's how you want it


[22:43:31] AireFaerie:
~nods in agreement at Robyn's post about kitty~


[22:43:49] ethanSSC:
<Has left the Dungeon (autologout).>


[22:44:02] AireFaerie:
My sub does many things like that for me and it has nothign to do with sex, it'a simply about serving and pleasing.


[22:44:22] AireFaerie:
Gawd and I type for a living??? ~L~


[22:44:34] Lightning:
i can relate to that part robyn...having a sexual desire but setting it aside for certain acts of desire to bring comfort etc to the other


[22:45:07] AireFaerie:
And i do like it when he does those things but it don't get my panties soppy...~L~


[22:46:56] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Lightning - it isn't setting the sexual desire aside. the sexual desire doesn't relate one way or the other - it's simply irrelevant.


[22:47:30] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
~chuckles at Aire's comment~ too true. kitty can brush my hair and it isn't sexy...it's awesome and powerful for both of us, but sexy? not really. but then, she knows how to do it and make my knees melt ~LOL~


[22:48:27] AireFaerie:
Robyn, true, the same acts can be either sexy or not it's all in how ther are performed and recieved.


[22:48:37] Lightning:
confused by robyn's last 2


[22:49:49] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
so...Aire - is the power exchange asexual when it is done in a non sexual way? or is the power exchange always asexual...and the sexual attraction, the buildup of tension is simply an additional element concurrent to the power exchange?


[22:50:15] AireFaerie:
Lightning, I used to have a difficult time diferentiating until I saw it myself.


[22:50:50] AireFaerie:
Robyn, I believe it can be but to me intermingling the two is not an issue.


[22:52:25] Lightning:
i can see them intermingled even if one is invisible temporarily more easily than completely separated-


[22:53:50] emeraldfire:
<Has left the Dungeon (autologout).>


[22:53:50] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire - I have no issues intermingling the two at all. ~s~ however, some find BDSM to be completely sexual. I want to talk about non sexual power exchange...to make the point that it exists, but also to point out that it exists even in sexual relationships. more than anything, i want to explore it mentally


[22:54:03] AireFaerie:
Lightning, in most relationships I see they are hardly ever seperated but there are some where there simply is no sexual aspect.


[22:55:25] AireFaerie:
Robyn, I guess it's old hat to me now, I have seen relationships where it happens all 3 ways and works too.


[22:56:50] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire ~s~ I consider it a mental exercise maybe. but...I would prefer, I know, to have obedience and submission motivated by respect and trust, an asexual power exchange, than one motivated by turn on.


[22:56:59] AireFaerie:
Robyn and I can tell ya I like having the control though I don't always exercise it it's very comforting for me.


[22:57:27] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
perhaps I want too much, but I actually find myself turned off by those who approach me solely based on my looks ~shrugs~


[22:57:41] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire - the control is...yeah, comforting. reassuring. and always affirming


[22:57:50] AireFaerie:
Robyn, if I thought for a second that my reltionship with my submissive was based on sex it would no longer BE a relationship.


[22:58:28] AireFaerie:
Robyn, I understand completely, or simply as a sexula persona, a Dominatrix.


[22:58:47] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire - exactly. there has to be more to it than just the sex........or the sexual role


[22:59:31] AireFaerie:
Robyn, for me yes but for others it's not so and I now understand and accept that.


[22:59:44] Lightning:
Certainly, or the role becomes false and doesn't play out. (nice pun huh?)


[23:00:05] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Aire - yeah but you are my heart sister. of course you understand. ~chuckles and kissssses~


[23:01:55] AireFaerie:
Robyn, ~grins and kisses back~ ...but it's not to say I don't understand those that prefer it other ways like DW or the purely sexual relationships, I would not choose it for myself but as i used to look down on it as not genuineI can accept the reality of it now.


[23:01:59] Lightning:
i can think of many i've had a sexual attraction for, yet never satisfied enough of the asexual equation to be willing to submit.


[23:02:06] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
I guess I'm very taken by the concept of a Dom/sub relationship that is NOT a life partner relationship - partially b/c I know that my submissive will not be my life partner, I already have a life partner. partially, because it seems like the power exchange would have to be much more powerful to motivate a lesbian sub to take a male Dom...gay or het male


[23:04:38] Lightning:
heckuva topic Robyn-lotsa thinkin goin on


[23:05:01] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Lightning - I like to think ~s~


[23:05:56] Lightning:
<just sitting here>


[23:05:59] Lightning:
<just sitting here>


[23:08:13] Lightning:
Robyn, i'm getting a sense of you bringing an almost puritanical approach to D/s etc. Like a vanilla courtship devoid of sexuality until after the ring and the vows. A very very loose analogy but you are talking about a D/s relationship built without, or at least before the sexual nature.


[23:08:47] Lightning:
or at least built independently


[23:10:03] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
Lightning - I guess that's something of it. because for me, the D/s relationship is NOT about sex or sexual desire - it's about respect and trust...and control. and control offered up merely due to a sexual attraction...has less meaning


[23:11:04] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
however - for some, and obviously for you, Lightning - D/s is about sex and being turned on by it, that's what motivates you to come here. I'm motivated by different purposes


[23:11:23] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
there's nothing wrong with either - but it's good that the one side understands that the other side is there, for certain


[23:11:53] Lightning:
i'd agree to that. all of that.


[23:12:36] AireFaerie:
~nods~


[23:13:58] Lightning:
i have to add that sexuality or no--the giving of control has to go where trust lies


[23:14:00] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
and I'll admit...while my motivations to BDSM aren't for the sexual turn on, I don't think there's anything wrong w/ a hot scene w/a sexy bottom ~grins madly~ but individual scenes are one thing, relationships another - I want more than the turn on for the relationship


[23:15:56] Lightning:
hmmmm-bell suddenly going off all around my ears--yes, the more striking the diff between scene and relationship, the more necessaary an asexual nature must be present


[23:16:09] AireFaerie:
~WG~ I'll go for a hot scene once ina while myself but it's the exception for me, not the rule.


[23:20:38] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
~hears bells myself~ perhaps, Lightning, you approach BDSM for the motivation of - the scene - and I approach it - motivated by the relationship. ~chuckles~


[23:20:54] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
this has been a really great discussion...i'm tired, and Lee needs the computer so I'll be goin now.


[23:21:05] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
~Hugs kissses Aire~ love you hunnny


[23:21:09] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
g'night Lightning


[23:21:12] Robyn_Arctic_Bitch:
<Has left the Dungeon>